The One Where... I tell my superhero origin story

OK, OK, I am not, nor am I ever likely to be a superhero (however I do live in hope).  What this story is really about is how a mild mannered, tiny bit shy girl from semi rural Suffolk managed to become one of the most unexpected geeks you could ever come to know.

I have been a geek for a very long time.  No I do not wear T-shirts proclaiming my love for whichever fandom in am in to at the time (it does switch around a bit, I can be a bit fickle) and no I do not quote the bejesus out of the films/tv shows/books I am in to.  But check my VHS (yes, it is the ONLY format to watch Star Wars on), DVD, and book collections, or my YouTube subscriptions or Internet history you will find that I am a geek at heart and soul, and not, as I was horrified to be called one dark day, a hipster.

How did my geekdom come about?  Do you think its possible to be born with a geek soul?  I love the idea that I popped out of the womb wearing my signature specs, fist held high screaming 'Batman!'... Or that my birth coincides with that of a prominent Geek icon... Or that I am the reincarnation of the creator of ... I don't know...D&D... Alas however these are all figments of my creative yet mildly disturbed imagination.

So you are not born a geek, you are made, so what was it that has shaped me in to the She-Geek everyone knows and loves?  It has to be the Star Wars universe.  Being merely a glint in my daddy's eye when Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope was released, I came to it in a bit of a round about way.  Many old school Wars fans will grimace in disgust when I explain that I had my introduction to Wars through the Ewoks, specifically the two films Caravan of Courage and Battle for Endor (much like how I grimace when my 5 year old nephew talks about how much he loves JarJar Binks).  After those came the cartoon series, Droids and Ewoks, then once I was a bit older, that is when I was introduced to Luke, Leia, Obi Wan and Han et al.

I wanted to be Princess Leia, she was cool, feisty, pretty, could fight and was undoubtedly in charge.  Since the age of 7 Leia has become the standard from which all others are judged.  My film, TV and book role models were less about princesses, wearing pink and living happily ever after, they were about being clever, having fun, being the boss.  Many of the 'typical' girls toys, games, TV shows and Films, were and still are a bit of a turn off.  I loved and love sci-fi, spunky romantic comedy's from the 50's and 60's, books of all sorts, computers games, bike rides, technology, building and making things, reading encyclopaedias and books of interesting words.  And I love getting obsessed about each and every one of these thing.

The role models of my youth include; Princess Leia, Cheetara, She-Ra, Matilda & Sophie (from Roald Dhal's Matilda and BFG respectively), Jo March, Helen Sharman, Marie Curie, Doris Day, Wonder Woman, Uhura, and Athena (yes as in the Greek god).

I wanted to go to space, be an explorer, go on epic adventures, write books, and solve crimes.

It wasn't until I was quite a bit older that I realised that all of the weird things I liked and wanted to be, made me a geek.  And it was even longer before I realised that there were other girls out there who were interested in the same things I was. 

Geekdom offered me an opportunity to latch on to role models who did a bit more with their lives than look pretty and marry handsome princes. I wanted to have adventures (still do, who doesn't like getting lost! It's a mini adventure in itself), I wanted to kick the butts of bad guys and help people (I still do, I have professionally helped people conquer their own daemons and helped them improve their lives), I wanted to be the one that is funny and tells jokes (I still do, when not in written form I am completely and utterly, mildly amusing) and finally I wanted to be the hero of my own story not just a supporting player (I still do, The idea of a white knight sweeping me off my feet gives me the urge to punch him in the junk).

I have to say I love being a bit different, it wasn't always easy being the sole girl in school that didn't like pink, want to be a nurse and ride a pony (I liked red, wanted to be the prime minister and wanted to ride Battlecat) but do you know what? Being a geek, is possibly one of the most inspiring aspects of my life. 

It has inspired me to read, watch movies, visit places, research random topics, write, draw, paint and connect with other geeks accross the globe. 

During my formative years it taught me to dream, push boundaries and not just let life happen to me. 

OK so there are some elements of geek culture that could do with embracing feminism a bit more, but that's whole other issue, one which I feel incredibly passionately about and could talk about for hours.  That aside however, mainstream culture needs to embrace their geeky side a bit more and remind girls and women across the world that they can be just as kick ass as the boys and still enjoy being a girl.

Being geeky doesn't mean being unattractive, unfeminine or antisocial.  Being geeky means being awesome whether you are a girl, boy, or as yet undecided.

The One Where… I talk about being a grown up woman

That's me in the pink.  Man I was cute.

When I was a girl I couldn’t wait to grow up and be a woman.  I wanted to go out with my friends, meet handsome men, and wear glamorous clothes and red lipstick. 

I watched Ally McBeal hoping that my grown up life would be as zany, glamorous and successful.  Surrounded my hot men, taken on fabulous dates, going to fabulous locations, being serenaded by Robert Downey Jr…..Oh Robert *looks off wistfully in to space*

Oh 16 year old self how wrong you were.  The reality of being a grown up is a bit different, and mildly boring.  Although some of us women in the world are blessed with glamorous, creative and fun work environments not all of us are that lucky. 

There is mundane bureaucracy, office politics, bitchy colleagues, working late for no overtime (or recognition). 

There’s housework, broken down appliances, ailing parents, recession, redundancy, credit card bills, funerals, biological clocks, misogynists and the glass ceiling.

The glamour and romance of your imaginings is often fleeting and overwhelmed by the mundanity of everyday life.  Men are not going to serenade you.  Robert Downey Jr is not going to know that you exist.

But oh 16 year old self, lets not say that everything about being a woman is bad.  I feel waaay more confident about myself.  OK I’m short, fat, and incredibly short sighted.  But man I make this shit look hot.  Yeah I like to look nice and am perpetually on a diet, but I am the most comfortable with who I am and what I look like, imperfections and all, than I have been ever.  All of the neurotic Ally McBeal shit?  Nope, I am freaking awesome.

There are cocktail hours, babies, the ability to question expectations, high heels, the opportunity to make your own choices, to break barriers, and men with beards.

There are beer festivals, scary movies, weddings, christenings, and parties, learning to cook, choosing your friends, staying up late, and discovering yourself.

I love being a woman, but bloody hell it is hard sometimes.

Would I want to be a man?

Well…. I could pee standing up.  I wouldn’t be judged for not wearing makeup.  Prospective employers wouldn’t ask for little hints about my personal life to see if I was planning to get up the duff.  I could do my hair in less than 5 minutes.  I could like the stuff I like with out people being surprised (“Star Wars? Really?”).

No.  I wouldn’t want to be a guy.  Regardless of all of the societal, social and personal pressures you are put under by having an innie rather than having an outie, being a girl is great.  In fact it is bloody fantastic.

16 year old self, keep having those fantasies because even though real life isn’t always as glamorous as you think it might be, in so many respects it s even better than you imagined.