Wednesday 4th January 2012 - The one where I look forward to the new year.

Breakfast:X 2 Sainsbury's Breakfast Biscuits: 6PP

Lunch:
X1 Wholemeal Bagel: 6PP
X1 Portion Chicken & Bacon Sandwich Filler: 3PP
X1 Apple: 0PP

Dinner:
Rocket Salad & Sesame Oil Dressing: 1PP
Pizza Express Gustosa Pizza: 11PP
Pepsi Max: 0PP

Snacks:
X 1 Portions of Cherries: 0 PP
X 1 Curlywurly: 3PP

Points Used: 33 PP
Points Earned: 5 PP - Pedometer strapped on!

Challenges: Forgot to pick up my lunch and forgot to take my purse to work. So by the time I had the opportunity to get my lunch from home I was starving and could of made some bad choices.  However I stuck to my guns, hence bang on points.  Yay for me.

Achievements: 
Today is the first time in ages that I have actually hit my points bang on. I wasn't hungry at all either, I guess it is a sign I am getting back in to the swing of things.

Tomorrow: 
Should be OK,  lunch sorted, dinner kind of sorted and feeling in control!

Verdict: Good day, best day of 2012 food wise so far!

First blog post of 2012!

I can't believe it has been so long since I have posted a 'proper' blog.

Gone went my resolution to post every day, and in came depression and illness. Thinking about it now I think my depression was related to my illness, my doctor had previously told me that viruses can cause it. Since I have been feeling better, I am feeling far more positive and I am no longer worried I might be heading for a prolonged period of depression.

I'm feeling great about 2012, loads of things to look forward to. I am feeling so positive about this year I have even fond the effort to calculate how far I need to go until I get to goal and calculated how much I would need to lose each week to get there!

Christmas Day:  My Little Bro and I

I am already back on track and didn't need the shock of my post Christmas weigh in to get me back there. I even weighed between Christmas and New Year (something I have never done before) and I lost half a pound! If must be a sign that I am ready for 'proper' weight less this year not just treading water.

The one where I reflect on 2011

11 Things for 2011?

I set out in 2011 with a to-do list for 2011 so before heading in 2012 I thought I would see how well or not I did.  2011 has been a rollercoaster year, especially with the illnesses of both my Mum and Dad.  However I am looking forward

1.    Take a photo of myself at every weigh in.  I have not really tracked my progress and this should be an easy way to do it. – This one I failed miserably at, I’ll probably give it another go, but I am not making any promises!

2.    Cook at least 3 meals during the working week.  I have a terrible tendency to use ready meals or rely on cereal when I get home from work; I am determined to cook more. – This I have managed to do, up until I became ill in September

3.    Run (not walk) a 5K.  This was one of the things on my list for last year and for various reasons (mainly laziness) I didn’t achieve it.  I am determined to do it this year. – Yay I did this.  OK I did it slowly but I did it.  This was one of my major achievements this year, I remember when I started I could barely run 50 yards

4.    Develop a Love Life.  Last year I wanted to find some friends in Colchester, and I think I have done that (hopefully).  Next stop love life, I have no idea how to start with this point but it’s on the list so I will at least try.  Possibly sorting out numbers 5 and 7 may help! – Another epic fail.  Possibly a little bit ambitious, because I have no idea where to start!  Another

5.    Wear more make up.  It may seem stupid but I think for my self esteem and confidence I need to spend a bit more time making myself look good (better) even if I don’t necessarily feel it inside. – This has happened!  Saturdays and Sundays I prettify even if I am just popping to Tesco.  Also unusually I have been putting on make up to go to work… just a little bit.

6.    Buy less packaged fruit.  I spend a fortune on it, it is quite obscene really, obviously a better choice than a chocolate bar but I buy it too often.  More whole fruits for me. – Although still a part of my diet, I have eaten loads of whole fruits.  Figs, persimmons, grapes and Satsuma’s have been the go-to fruits this year.

7.    Go to bed earlier.  I am quite naughty and often stay up late (Ssshhh even on a school night) but not enough sleep is prematurely aging and I don’t want to hit 30 looking like I am 45. – Actually much to my surprise I have been setting my alarm to make sure I am in bed for 10.30.

8.    Spend some time on me.  With work and life it sometimes does not give me enough time to live, I am going to try and set aside 30 mins a day to spend on me not distracted by anything/anyone else. – I have kind of done this; I have been spending at least 30 mins reading (also improving my brain).  I had also aimed to try to blog every day (for a bit).  So this is a tick!

9.    Aim to eat Vegetarian for at least one day a week.  Not only do I want to lose weight I want to be healthier and I don’t think eating huge amounts of meat is all that healthy – I’ve done well with this, veggie stir-fry’s, goats cheese pies, roasted vegetable quiches, all great meal alternatives.

10.          (Purposely) Exercise at least once a week.  OK I walk all of the time, and the bonus points do rack up, yes they help but I want to do more.  I don’t think I will ever be one of those people who are addicted to the gym, but I would like to be one of those people who enjoy exercise when they do it (I think this one might be a bit of a stretch) – Thank god for Zumba! I have been pretty active over the last year.  I have jogged more and I have developed a love for Zumba.  Such a pity my class isn’t running in 2012, going to have to find a new one because I certainly don’t want to give it up.

11.          Be happier at the end of 2011 than I was at the end of 2010. Nuff Said really – Was feeling rather depressed this time last year.  OK I have had a few low points in 2011, and quite frankly I can’t wait to see the back of this year and start 2012.  But I am feeling so positive about the coming year and this is a definite tick.

So bring on 2012!  And my 12 things to do in 2012…

Happy New Year everyone!

Saturday 12th November 2011 – Day 14 – The one where I am feeling sorry for myself

Saturday 12^th November 2011

Breakfast:
None

Lunch:
X1 M&S Olive Ciabtta Roll: 7PP
½ Can Heinz Chicken & Vegetable Soup: 5PP

Dinner:

x1 Tesco Finest Chicken Tikka Masala & Rice: 22PP

Snacks:

X5 Almonds: 2PP
20g Dried Mango:  2PP

Points used today: 37

Weekly Points used:  0
Activity Points Earned:  0 – Having a much deserved rest

Challenges:

Not feeling good again today, I am hoping it’s to do with the new pill I am on rather than another bout of depression kicking in just in time for Christmas.  Feeling lonely, taken for granted and generally unloved.  You know the usual.

I wanted to know what my triggers were for falling off the wagon and binge eating, and I have well and truly discovered them this week.  I am lonely.  I want to keep things as positive as I can and come up with a solution, rather than wallow in self pity.  I have come to a conclusion therefore. 
I think I may need to leave Colchester. 
I just do not have the support network here that I need.  Although I love my meeting, that is only once a week, I have a life for the other 6 days too.  Although I supposedly have friends here, it is very difficult to see from my current position, I have not seen any of my 'friends' from Colchester socially in months.  I did put it down to me withdrawing a little bit.  However the fact that no one actually noticed spoke volumes to me today when I was thinking about my current situation.  It would be good if I appeared on someones lists of priorities as opposed to being the person you can always blow off/rearrange/ask for a favour.  I think about my friends how I can help and support them, I inconvenience myself to help them, but quite frankly it appears to me that no one has thought about me in a very long time, and I very much doubt anyone has inconvenienced themselves to help me out.  I'm not going to make any hasty decisions, I can't really afford to move at the moment.  But for the sake of my mental health and weight loss journey, I think I might need to.

Its quite a big step really to come to such a big conclusion, and it is hardly something that is easy to fix.  I keep saying I will get there, with this though I am not so sure.  Its a horrible thing to realise you are not liked.  I thought I was coming to a point in my life where I was becoming happy with who I was, but obviously who I am is not good enough.

Sorry for the downer, needed to let it out.  I really hope its the new pill, it says mood swings, and I am like a freaking pendulum.

Achievements:

I didn’t order a takeaway!  I really have had the urge to stuff myself with Chinese food; however the practical side of me did kick in eventually.  Its just not cost effective to order Chinese takeaway for one, unless you order a mountain of food.

Tomorrow:

Weigh in tomorrow.  Even with my ‘not so good’ days this week I am actually within all of my points allowances.  I would love a loss of 1.5lbs but realistically 1lb is what I am hoping for.  The rest of the day is a bit of a blank.  I may involve a cake from Greggs though.

Verdict:  Food wise fine, life wise a bit shit

Friday 11th November 2011 – Day 13 – The one where I spend a lot of time in Clacton

Friday 11^th November 2011 

Breakfast:
X1 Hobnob Medley Bar: 5PP

Dinner:

X2 Bread Rolls:  11PP
X1 Tbs Sour Cream & Chive Dip:  4
X1 Kettle Chips:  7PP

Snacks:

X10 Almonds:  4PP
X1 Small Semi-Skimmed Hot Chocolate: 6PP
X2 Slices of Crunchy Peanut Butter on Toast: 10PP
X1 WeightWatchers Chocolate & Vanilla Biscuit:  2PP

Points used today: 49

Weekly Points used: Yeah, not any of those left, I am in to the BP’s
Activity Points Earned: 8

Challenges:

Today was a snack day.  I have been in Clacton most of the day, no time for lunch and freezing weather (when I say freezing its not actually freezing it was a bit cold and windy).  Therefore hot chocolate was required whilst waiting for the train, it was lovely, and I was very cold.  I possibly could of spent 6PP on something more filling, but I don’t care, I was freaking cold.

Mmmm Hot Chocolate

Feeling better today, I think my long and busy days are doing me in a bit.  I know I don’t have it bad by the standards of many, but 50 Hour weeks are currently killing me.  Trying to pack too much in.  The weekend is there for me to relax and that is my plan.

Achievements:

Massive will power not to pig out on pizza, still not the best day but I still have BP’s left (5!).  So although not the best couple of days Sunday should be OK.

Also I have remembered to actually write on here, was sooo tempted to just to go to bed, but in the words of the legend that is Roy Castle ‘Dedications what you need’.

Tomorrow:

Mmmm not sure what to do tomorrow, I quite like the idea of a DVD day.  Grapes, DVD’s, fizzy pop and pajamas.  That’ll probably not happen, but wishful thinking.

Verdict:  Chilly!

PS.  An emotional day today, Armistice day.  I hope everyone took a moment of their day to remember those who have fought for their countries and never returned.

Thursday 10th November 2011 – Day 12 – The one where I binge eat

Thursday 10^th November 2011

Breakfast:
X1 WeightWatchers AppleBar: 2PP

Lunch:
X1 Mini Cheddars: 4PP
X1 Tuna & Red Onion Sandwich: 12PP

Dinner:

55PP – 1 and ¾ my daily allowance

Snacks:

X1WeightWatchers Chocolate & Vanilla Biscuit: 2PP
X7 Refreshers: 1PP

Points used today: 76

Weekly Points used: All of them
Activity Points Earned: 10, feet starting to ache from all of the walking, looking forward to Saturday

Challenges:

The day was going well, tired yes (Bernadette on the phone to 2am… and only to because I banged on her door and told her to shut up), but the day was going well.  College not too bad, however there is one woman for what ever reason has taken a dislike to me and has chosen to ignore everyword I have said and refuses to even look at me (I think that was the start of my bad evening).

I came home and was exhausted and feeling restless, got changed and headed out for awalk.  Never before have I said this but I wish I had sat in the chair and zoned out watching the telly.  I have had far too much time with my own thoughts for my own good and for what ever reason they are incredibly negative.  I personally find this really odd as I am an optimist, I try to have a positive outlook, promote others to think positively but for what every reason I am not being very nice to myself, either physically or emotionally, at the moment.

On my way home I headed to Tesco for the sole purpose of buying food for me to binge on.  I know a lot of people say that they binge eat, but often I feel they don’t really understand what a ‘proper’ binge is.  I have done it myself.  Today however was an official binge, huddled in my bedroom shoving as much food in as possible in the shortest amount of time possible.  Some people smoke, somepeople drink, some people do drugs… Me I eat.

I am too embarrassed to put on here what I ate, I’m going to out the points and let your imaginations do the rest.  I feel terrible for having done it, I feel disgusted with myself.  My only consolation is that I did not buy the ‘on sale’ tub of Pralines and Cream Haagen Das Ice cream in Tesco, and quite frankly it was very close.

I am hoping that I am just over tired and have spent too much time in my own company.  Here’s hoping.

Achievements:

I am still racking up my exercise points, andhopefully they are going to mean I haven’t totally blown weigh in

Tomorrow:

The night where I am supposed to be going out, butI haven’t heard from the friend in question (again) so I will be in (again) on my own (again) with half a bag full of food that I didn’t eat tonight.  One person pity party! Yaaay!

Verdict:  Feeling a little bit sick

Wednesday 9th November 2011 – Day 11 – The one where I work my butt off

Wednesday 9^th November 2011

Brunch:
X1 Cranberry and Oat Cookie: 2PP
X1 M&S Prawn & Mayo Sandwich:  11PP

Dinner:

M&S Count on Us Chilli con Carne:  10PP
X1 Tesco Garlic Bread Slice:  3PP
X1 Portion Pineapple:  0PP
X2 Figs:  0PP
X1 WeightWatchers Chocolate & Vanilla Biscuit: 2PP

Snacks:

X10 Cashew Nuts:  2PP
50g Mango Dried:  4PP
X1 Bottle Lucozade Sport Hydro:  1PP
X1 Cadburys Scream Egg:  6PP

Points used today:  40

Weekly Points used:  8
Activity Points Earned:  20!  8 from my Pedometer, and 12 from Zumba (40xHigh=10, 10xMed=1, 10xLow=1)
 

Challenges:

The snacking monster reared its head today again, didn’t do too badly dried fruit and nuts, but I did accidentally eat a Scream egg.  It fell in… whole…  Over all my chocolate in take is well down on usual levels and I am hoping it will stay that way for a while at least.  I am going to try the ‘Green & Blacks’ method having of smaller quantities of higher quality chocolate…It didn’t work last time mainly because it was the TOTM and the cravings were obscene.

I didn’t let my Scream Egg lapse lead me down the path of a chocolate binge ad chose the healthier options for the rest of the day.

Achievements:  

Seriously 20 BP’s… It feels so good to see that number.  I know WW recommend earning 7 BP’s per day but Zumba is really high intensity and that is how the points fall.

Tomorrow:

Busy day and late night, a combination that often results in mindless snacking especially when I am at college

Verdict:  Exhausted

Tuesday 8th November 2011 – Day 10 – The one where I am really greatful for my Costa points... Free (ish) drinks

Tuesday 8^th November 2011
Breakfast:
Mini Cheddars: 7PP
Costa Skinny Hot Chocolate: 3PP

Lunch:
Melon Chunks: 0PP
Mango Chunks: 0PP
x1 Ski Strawberry Yogurt: 2PP

Dinner:

Rice & Vegetable Pilaf: 7PP
Roasted Vegetable & Goats Cheese Plait: 9PP

Snacks:

x7 Refreshers: 1PP
x1 Small Skinny Cappuccino: 1PP
x1 WeightWatchers Chocolate & Vanilla Biscuit: 2PP

Points used today: 32... Yay

Weekly Points used: 0
Activity Points Earned: 5... Another day of being a walking machine, again in the rain

Challenges: Actually a straightforward day, for once, OK I needed to say no to cakes and pastries but i didn't have enough Costa points anyway. I also needed to resist the delights in the Poplar farm shop, but I chose a veggie pie for tea, and not massively pointy either, I just said no the the luscious cup cakes.

Achievements: Guess who is on points today? That'll be me! Usually I tend to spread my weeklies over the week, but I NEED some booze on the weekend so I am going to go easy on them... That's if my ever so flaky friends don't let me down AGAIN.

Tomorrow: Another busy day tomorrow, actually most of my weekdays are busy, I am actually in the office for the chunk of the day, which means snacking, and also as its Wednesday its sandwich day.

I've got a fave sandwich of tuna mayo and red onion, which as fillings go from the lighthouse is one of the lowest options, I've got fruit to go with it. It'll make a change to have a big lunch, and will mean that I won't need a snack before I head off to Zumba... Yes thats right I am making my return, its sooo needed and that 11BP I'll earn will aint to bad either.

Verdict: Wow I've eaten allot of vegetables today... I'll pay for that tomorrow